U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
