I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
