Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
