I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
