and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
