.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
