I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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