last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
