Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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