we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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