Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
