so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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