i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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