come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
