Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
