I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
