I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
