The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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