how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
