butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
