I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
