I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
