sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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