I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize