No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
