it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
