my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
