so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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