so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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