Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
