is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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