I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
