So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
