It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
