Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
