all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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