I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
