I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you never un-have a 4some
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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