I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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