im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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