I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize