My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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