My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
