He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
