she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize