Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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