I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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