Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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