I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
