life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize