hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
