this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
