she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
