dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
