oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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