You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
