i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize