I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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