I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
