I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
