i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
