I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
