it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
