We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
