Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
