True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
