He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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