Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
