What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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