I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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