Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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