So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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