Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
