And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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