Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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